Before we moved, I spent a lot of time bracing for the beginning.
Not for logistics exactly—we handled those—but for the emotional fallout I was sure would come with upheaval. I rehearsed the hard moments in advance. The dysregulation. The overwhelm. The ways this might land too heavily on our family, especially on the kids.
I told myself that preparing meant anticipating every possible fracture point.
What I didn’t expect was how much of that preparation was actually about my own fear, not what would really unfold.
The Before
The decision to make the leap into international teaching was monumental. Drake had more than his fair share of social anxiety and ADD, as did his father. Amirra is fully on the spectrum and comes with challenges unique to her but many are focused around transitions. I had to have it “all mapped out” for their sakes. So I thought.
Watching
Amirra
I was most prepared for her struggles with transitions, sensory overloads, and the unknowns. I knew it would be difficult on her. She is a routine based child that I was removing all of her established routines. She was also going to be entering school for the first time, dealing with social situations for the first time. Having to control her emotions in public settings nearly constantly.
She never stopped surprising me throughout this transition. Amirra embraced the idea of plane travel wholeheartedly. She came to a new city, in a new country with open eyes and open arms.
She will push her way to the front of the line with the rest of the kids or loudly state her need for space, while at the same time having confidence to work and play on her own.
She is my Ashgabat Princess. Years ago when she was born and we picked out her name, we had no idea of the tie-ins to the life we live today. It means Princess in the local language and it fits her perfectly.
Out of all of us, she has adapted the quickest and fullest. This city is hers.
Familiarity arrived slowly—along the same paths, the same parks, the same small loops of daily life.
Drake
I knew there would be struggles ahead for Drake as well, but of a different nature. Drake is on the cusp of puberty and entering social situations for the first time in his life. No small task for anyone.
His independence has grown, and in a place where many of my worries are negated. It is safe here, he can walk (or scooter) anywhere on his own without me worrying about someone taking his scooter from him, running into drugs or worse on the streets. He routinely goes to the store for us, picking up groceries or snacks.
His biggest battle is still school. Drake found a way to do as little as possible in school early on and is dealing with the after-effects of those choices now. But he is finding his voice. He has social anxiety- to the point that he will regularly suffer from panic attacks at large social events, he is still stepping up and volunteering for presenting roles in group projects- choosing roles that many kids (and adults) shy away from. And he is doing it well.
Transitioning out of childhood and into teenage years is never easy. For anyone. He has a group of friends. More importantly- when his group of friends makes not-so-wise choices, Drake has the confidence to walk away. It is so easy to just “go along” with the group, and exponentially more difficult to change direction when you disagree.
What Stayed the Same
Both of the kids are handling the move, the transition, and this new world that we live in, better than I could have hoped for. But please don’t let this give you the idea that it is easy. For every good choice that Drake makes, there is a struggle beforehand. For every ounce of confidence that Amirra shows, there is a emotional dysregulation blow-up behind the scenes. Without a doubt, I am happy that we chose to do it here, together.
This move, this lifestyle change forced a lot of recalibrations. It forced us to rely on each other and it forced us to look out for each other. I have seen more “big brother” attitude from Drake that ever before in his life.
While there have been challenges, none of them were as big as I built them up to be in my mind. The biggest challenges are still the same challenges we faced at home; emotional regulation for Amirra, Puberty for Drake. These don’t or won’t change regardless of the location.
Ending
I still believe preparation matters. But I’m learning that bracing and witnessing are not the same thing.
Somewhere between what I feared and what actually happened, my understanding of our family shifted. Not because everything was easy—but because the story I was telling myself beforehand wasn’t the one we ended up living.
The challenges didn’t disappear. They followed us. They just didn’t grow the way I expected them to.
I’m still the parent who researches obsessively before the next move. That part of me hasn’t changed. But I’m holding that impulse more lightly now—aware that no amount of preparation replaces watching your kids become themselves in a place you couldn’t have imagined for them.
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